It's Time To Be Thinking About Christmas in February and I'm not Kidding.
- Shaine Hinnant
- Feb 18, 2024
- 8 min read
(The Author may earn a commission on purchased items from the link)
A little early to be thinking about Christmas already, right? Ha ha ha!
Wrong.
Listen to me, you and I both know your kids and my kids are addicted to the internet. Roblox, Fortnite, Minecraft, and whatever Youtuber is playing the new hot game at this very moment. You might sit here and think that they’re not reading or writing as they should be, but if you’re an incompetent mother like I am and let your child have chat privileges, you already know they type as fast as a middle-aged accountant secretary living in New York.
They’re learning, they truly are, and given the chance to prove themselves, they can and will outsmart you. Like that scene in Jurassic Park where the Raptor was in the bush looking at the hunter, but then ANOTHER Raptor comes out of the leaves like “Gotcha bitch”. That’s your kids. They can surprise you.
So what do you get them this coming Christmas season to prove it?
You might be sitting and thinking to yourself, “Well, my kids ONLY play on tablets and watch YouTube, they don’t play with toys anymore.”
I was in the same boat. Actually, 2023 Christmas, we DIDN’T have Christmas. The kids woke up and I just straight up DIDN’T tell them it was Christmas. The day went on like any other day. They got on their devices, raided my fridge like the barbarians they are, and went about their day. I saved like $1000, it’s crazy.
However, after the initial celebration of not spending a million dollars on Christmas washed over me, the mom guilt set in. I felt HORRIBLE for the weeks after that, set in depression, and laid in bed for days. Why didn’t I just get them SOMETHING?
So I thought of the things my kid’s liked, anything that could tickle their fancy. However, everything I came up with was just something they could do on the internet or Roblox.
So I came up with a couple of gifts that I think are timeless and foolproof. They will get some use from your kids one way or another, and I think they’re worth the price. All of these toys I have bought, and they withstood the test of time.
For the LOVE of God, hear me out.
There’s a pretty good chance your tablet kids are iPad Kids, am I right? There’s no way in Hell they, on their own volition, are choosing reading, STEM, or educational apps on their own. That’s where the Amazon Fire Pro for Kids comes in.
I HIGHLY recommend having a Prime membership and subscribing to the Kids Pro+ subscription for the tablet, because then they will have access to SO many apps and videos, it’s insane. The majority of the content featured on the Amazon tablets is educational based, it motivates your child to read, and you can monitor literally every single little thing they do on their tablet through your phone.
You can even lock “fun” apps out until they read a book for a certain amount of time, forcing them to fucking hate you! (do not do this, my kids rioted).
If you ask me, I LOVE the Amazon Fire 10 Kids Pro tablet. That being said, BOTH of my kids are still on iPads, but we’ve gone through like… 10 Amazon Tablets. I like them.
If you’re looking for a way to motivate your kids to read and play more brain-training apps, I would switch to this tablet.
You might not have heard of this one, but I personally love it.
Story Time: my daughter, Remilia, has, like every other little girl, a best friend. This best friend, Mel, and my daughter, Remi, we’re inseparable. Literally connected at the hip. When Mel came over to play and then she had to go home, I swear to you, it was like watching a wife see her husband off to War.
“MELLODYYY!!!”
“REMILIAAAAA!!!!”
They would SCREAM and reach for each other, they did NOT want to separate.
“Let’s get them phones.” I offer Mel’s mom one day.
Obviously, she was like “I can’t get her a $1000 phone”, and neither could I, but what I COULD get them were two, $50 phones called the KidiBuzz 3.
Like the Amazon Tablet, this is a “phone” that only works on wi-fi, has some picture-taking apps, educational apps, and a texting feature!!
You will have to make a Kidibuzz account and approve every friend request your child gets, but when we got the girls their phones, oh my god. They LOCKED themselves in thier rooms and just TEXTED for days. This was before we woke up, got them both iPad minis, and signed them up on their own Apple ID’s.
If you’re not ready for your child to have iMessage and want to monitor everything they say, I recommend the Kidibuzz 3. All their chat logs are accessible from your phone!
This one is kinda a no-brainer. A Fujifilm Instax Camera is a great way to have your child come out of their room and socialize with you and the world around them! If you pair this with a cheap Instax Photo Clip wall hanging ornament where they can display their photos, or a photo album they can fill, they will be more than motivated to put the tablet down, run outside, and take a picture of the first tree or car they find.
They might even ask you to pose for a couple of pictures. This is a wonderful way to bond with your kids. Take a memorable selfie with them and claim “mom tax” and keep it, lol. It would make an amazing memory.
4. Mini Fridge
Do you want to be a cool mom?
I know you do.
You’re about to have a tween or you HAVE a teen on your hands (I’m sorry), they want freedom. They want revolution. They want blood!
Get them a mini fridge and I swear to god, you will become the best mom to ever walk the Earth in their eyes.
“But I don’t want food and drinks in their room!”
Easy, pair it with a very cheap automatic trash can and only fill the fridge with mini water bottles, granola bars, and dried fruit!! This is the easiest to clean up if they make a mess, and it doesn’t attract gnats and bugs if left on the ground for a long time!
I love these. Do you remember when The Snuggie infomercial would play at primetime television time around 2005? And if you were seen with one, it was an act of Social Suicide?
Yeah, not anymore, we wised up as a civilization. Wearable Blankets are the fucking bomb dot com, baby. Also, you can get a wearable blanket in almost nay color, any size, and any pattern, and you might find an animal or mascot-type blanket they like!
If your kid is going to be holed up in their room on a computer or on a tablet, keep them warm! This is also a good way to keep the bed made, so they just sit on top of the bed instead of lounging under the made sheets.
You ARE making the beds every morning, aren’t you?
6. Tamagotchi
THEY’RE NOT DEAD!!
In fact, they’re making a huge comeback!
I know you remember Tamagotchi! That annoying fucking toy that chirped and cried when you, the incompetent child, couldn’t keep up with feeding it. And then it died.
Yeah! Get your kid one, there’s no way History repeats itself, that’s just a myth!
In all serisouness, Tamagotchi has had an AMAZING glow up these past couple of years. LCD screens ith color, bluetooth connectivity to apps and other tamagotchis, and lots of fun games to play and secrets to find!!
I recommend Tamagotchi Pix! You can take a picture with your favorite abomination that popped out of an egg!
Are you looking for a sentimental way to connect with your child? There’s a pretty good 8/10 chance they will lose, break, or just straight-up forget about the bracelet they make with you, but I know you won’t forget it.
I tried this with my daughter a couple of years back, where we made letter bracelets with our names on them and attached a cute plastic charm that represented us best. She has since lost hers, but mine lives forever inside of a lock box we keep in the closet. Even when she grows old and moves on, I’m never letting that bracelet go. I’m pretty sure I’ll be buried with it.
Don’t expect your child to understand the sentimental value of the bracelet. Just go into it like a fun craft. Your child will love the connection and it can be a core memory for them later down the line.
Again, Hear me out.
So far, I’ve been like “w..well… you know… if you wanna.. Get them off the iPad… you can..”
NO.
You and I BOTH know their asses are on iPad Minis RIGHT NOW. If you’re smart like me (I am not smart), you also signed them up for their own child account. Remilia has her own iCloud account that I can monitor and that bitch is locked airtight (for the most part, she’s smart as hell).
I would recommend getting them an Apple Watch SE and setting it up under a child account! This way, they feel like the coolest fucking kid in school, and you can track their every move.
Also, put AirTags in their backpacks for the love of god.
This one is a bit expensive, especially if you pay to get two of them for the “full” experience, but hear me out.
First off, paying that much for both of those robots should be a federal crime. That being SAID, they are SO CUTE. The robots can “talk” to each other, play games, react to touch and spoken word, and are overall a REALLY cute desk ornament.
Can you BELIEVE they are still making and selling these!!??
I couldn’t!
Nintendo has this really weird thing going on with it where it dumps all this money into these AMAZING projects, launches them, and then before the year ends, KILLS IT.
Amazon does this too. (I will never forgive you for taking the Echo sticker printer away)
However, this is neither here nor there.
Cardboard, though. We love cardboard! When you were a kid, you wanted that homemade cardboard house and you almost threatened your mother’s life over. Make it, or else.
Nintendo created (and still creates, don’t let them lie to you) different packages of cardboard games and projects you can sit on the floor and build! Sure, you can sit at the table, but my kids and I sat on the floor and we turned out fine. (My back did not win the war).
Nintendo Labo are kids of cardboard toys. Some of them connect to both of your Joy-Cons (the controllers on the Nintendo Switch) and move them around! Some use the IR Camera on the back of one of your Joy-Cons to create amazing effects or experiences! My favorite was the Bug House, or what we CALLED, the Bug House. It was a little Tamagotchi-style house with a bug in it that you took care of and played with!
Also, because it’s all cardboard, you can customize it!! Draw on it, put washi tape on it, anything like that! Just don’t get it wet.
All in All…
I know it’s February, but money is tight for some of you people. Don’t lie to me. A lot of these toys will go on sale throughout the year and it’s up to you to stay on top of when they do!
I provided links to all of these toys so you can add them to an Amazon list if you so desire! However, if that’s too much work for you, feel free to follow the already Pre-Made list I made for you!!
You have children locked onto screens and you want to change that. Or, you’re completely OK with your child being locked on a screen and want to give them more screens. I love the book 1984.
Either way, I hope this list of ideas you can get for your child has helped!! Let me know!!
Much love!!
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